Posts Tagged ‘magic’

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“These are dark times Harry.”

Indeed they are friends. Even the muggle world knows that things are taking a turn for the worse. The Deatheaters are running wild, destroying bridges, not caring if they are seen by muggles and returning their videotapes without rewinding them (ask your parents, kids). Shit is getting bad, people are disappearing and we’re one step closer to the end.

“You’ve been reckless this summer Harry.”

Harry went out for a nice ride on the trains one night, thought he’d grab a bite at a diner, flirt with the waitress and then boom theres Dumbledore arriving just in time to save Harry from getting his swerve on (again, ask your parents, kids). After using him to convince Professor Slughorn to return to Hogwarts, Dumbledore drops Harry at the Weasleys to finish the summer.
Meanwhile Draco has become a Deatheater and been given the task of helping Dumbledore kick that nasty living habit he has but seriously even his mother and batshit crazy aunt know he doesn’t have the stones to pull it off. So of course who can they turn to but good ole Snape who makes “The Unbreakable Vow” and agrees to carry out Dracos mission should he fail to. Romances bloom, lives are ended and things at Hogwarts will never be the same.

“Do as I say Harry”

Half-Blood Prince is possibly my favorite film in the series. Its one of the last times you get to see the kids have a bit of fun before they’re forced to abandon what remains of their childhood and began the final journey to destroy the ring in Mount Doom or you know, stop Voldemort. Its doom and gloom for a while from here friends but stay strong and we’ll make it to the end…together…too cheesy…meh. Till next time friends, stay entertained.

-D

@ShitAboutFuck
@dhbates87
@onetripdown

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Have you heard? They say the Dark Lord is back. They say he killed a kid at the Tri-Wizard Tournament. ‘At’s a bunch of rubbish, don’t you read The Prophet. Potter kid’s making the whole thing up he is, trying to get his name in the papers an such.

Thats right friends we’re back for another fun filled year at Hogwarts and have we got some shit to sort through this year. I mean we’re all still mourning Edwar-…I mean Cedric’s death. Parents are apprehensive about letting their children return to a school that has, on at least two occasions, had a teacher attempt to murder a student. Speaking of murdering students, Voldemort is back in all his pissed off wonder and you can’t help but think he had some influence in the decision to appoint Dolores Umbridge as the new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher. Yes my friends its going to be another wonderful year full of excitement, danger and haircuts, lets dig in.

After a day of frolicking in the park, Harry and his best buddy Dudley are attacked by Dementors. Luckily Harry knows how to defend against them and chases them off with a Patronus but in doing so violates the “Underage Use of Magic in the Muggle World in Front of a Muggle, While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood” law. After a bullshit trial, Harrys name is cleared and he gets to return to Hogwarts. Once there he learns that the new DATDA teacher is the same bitch that was trying to get him expelled at his trial. In her first class Ms. Umbridge informs the students that there is no need to learn how to defend against dark magic because life is all rainbows and kittens. Harry and the gang decide to start a secret club where they will teach themselves. Shit hits the fan, Umbridge takes over Hogwarts and by the end theres no doubt that He Who Must Not Be Named is back in black… cue AC/DC.

At just over two hours, the second longest book somehow became the second shortest movie. I’m glad they were still able to hit almost all of the high points of the book without having to sacrifice too much. I’ve got to give special mention to Imelda Staunton who brought life to the one character that most fans hate more than Voldemort. I can’t watch this film without the phrase “what an unbelievable cunt” involuntarily slipping out. Well done.

The dark clouds that formed in The Goblet have set up shop in The Order and its going to be a while before we see the sun again. Till next time friends, stay entertained.

-D

@ShitAboutFuck
@dhbates87
@onetripdown

Well guys, this is the halfway point in our month long focus on/tribute to the Harry Potter film series. This time around, the darker tones really start to take hold for the long haul. To put it lightly, shit really starts to go south for the gang this time around, which pretty much sets the mood for the rest of the series. They have to deal with a lot of things that force them to not only grow as people, but to face their own mortality, albeit not for the first time or nearly the last.

While Harry and Hermione are attending the Quidditch World Cup with the Weasleys, Death Eaters attack the visitors area setting fire to all the tents. They are quickly sbut down, but the fact that they showed up in the first place is a terrible sign. After Harry’s name somehow gets entered into and drawn for the 17 and up Tri-Wizard Tournament, there is a school wide uproar. Once the events start to take place, it’s obvious that there are nefarious forces at work. Just to kick the forces of good while they are down, Lord Voldemort makes his return killing a student in the process.

This is one of a couple of the films in the series that totally has an Empire Strikes Back ending, whick is not to imply anything nevative at all just to say it ends on a total downer. Several key events take place in this film that lead to bigger things on down the road and some new characters are introduced as well as The Order of the Phoenix. The Order being a group attempting to keep dark forces at bay and out of the Ministry. This is also the first film to get a PG-13 rating, which I think speaks for the events that take place.

Overall it’s a solid flick. Not my favorite, not my least favorite, just a good solid entry in the series. Key events make it a must watch for the series, everything else makes it a must watch overall. Til next time…

-Heath

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“Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts”

Like hell! Last year we had a three headed dog, a mountain troll, ghosts, Quidditch, huge feasts, learned some magic and got to save the day. Why wouldn’t you go back. Seriously, you would have to lock me in my room and bar the windows to keep me from going back.

Trying to stay out of trouble while patiently waiting for the summer to end, Harry finds himself being forced to hide as The Assholes prepare for a small dinner party. While upstairs “pretending he doesn’t exist” Harry gets a visit from Dobby the house elf. Seems he’s come to warn Harry that danger and certain death await him should he return to Hogwarts. Harry insists he will return, Dobby drops a cake on a dinner guest and Harry is locked in his room, with bars on the windows. Harry gets sprung by the Weaslys in their fathers flying car, is introduced to traveling via Floo powder and we find out where Draco gets his bad attitude from. I’d love to tell you more but you’ll have to open the chamber for yourselves…see what I did there…

Where The Stone introduced us to The Wizarding World, The Chamber dares us to come back, delve deeper and stay a little longer. By a little longer I mean this film clocks at nearly three hours, so have your snacks close at hand. Sadly this was the last time Richard Harris would portray Dumbledore, a few weeks prior to the American opening of this film, he lost his battle with Hodgkins Disease. Beware the heir of Slytherin and till next time friends, stay entertained.

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I ventured into the world of Harry Potter one evening after searching through the aisles of a local video store and finding nothing else that caught my eye. At the time I had no real interest in the wizarding world. Sure I was aware of the popularity of the Potter. I had seen the lines of parents and children, dressed in costume outside of bookstores waiting for the midnight release of each new novel. The same was seen outside theaters with the release of each film but for some reason I had skipped over these films. After that night I was a fan.

If you’ve never given this film a chance I’ll try not to spoil it for you here, off we go…

Harry is an orphan being raised by a couple of assholes along side their own asshole child. They treat him awfully until one day a letter arrives for Harry, one which Aunt and Uncle Asshole don’t want him to see. They destroy it and another arrives and the cycle continues, with the number of letters multiplying, until they pack up and head off to a shack on an island. There in the middle of the night we’re introduced to Hagrid and find out that Harry is a wizard. From there its magical surprises, creatures and places at nearly every turn.

While I did arrive late to Platform 9 3/4 I’m happy to say I didn’t miss the train entirely. I was able to catch up on the first four films before hitting the theater for the rest. Along the way I started reading the books, avoiding each until I had watched the corresponding film. That way, everything that the people who had read the books first and were pissed about, I viewed those same occurrences as little surprises.

Don’t avoid these films because you’ve dismissed them as “kids stuff”, it’s true the books were aimed at a younger audience but thankfully J.K. Had the good sense to make them fun for adults too.Till next time friends, stay entertained.

-D

@ShitAboutFuck
@dhbates87
@onetripdown

The wizarding world was rocked recently when J.K. Rowling revealed that she thought Harry and Hermione should have ended up together. Muggles around the globe were outraged, pitchforks and torches were gathered as stakes were prepared for the burning of the heresy committing witch. How dare she…

Seriously though, I can’t be the only one out there, other than J.K. that thought Harry and Hermione would end up together with “Uncle Ron” crashing on their couch well into his thirties. Then you see this thing start to develop between Ron and Hermione and you think it’ll be okay because Harry is interested in this chick named Cho but at no time does he say “Hey Cho, we’re gonna head out and fuck with Voldemort…you in?”

Then Jenny pops back in the picture after having crushed on Harry early on and makes her move, which kinda came out of left field seeing as how she had been snogging a couple of other dudes over the years and seemed to lose interest in the Potter. Harry’s picking up what shes laying down, doesn’t matter to him that he could have had his pick of any of the girls in school, I mean he is the motherfucking Chosen One after all…

Anyway…all this talk about what might have been had Harry and Hermione hooked up got us thinking about how much we enjoyed these films and books. So join with us as we discuss the films based on J.K. Rowlings work and ponder what could have been had she only had the conviction to go with her gut and kill Ron off…should be fun, till next time friends, stay entertained.

-D

@ ShitAboutFuck
@dhbates87
@onetripdown

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I imagine the writers having this conversation amongst clouds of weed smoke: Writer 1- “Dude, what if Frosty The Snowman were, like, real?” Writer 2- “Dude, what if he was your dad?” Writer 1- “That would be so cool buddy!” Writer 2- (giggling) “He’d be the worlds coolest dad.” And that children is how taglines for movies are born. What could make for a happier holiday film than the story of a father that dies and comes back as a snowman, grab your mittens and lets talk about Jack Frost.

Jack Frost (I gotta take a second here friends to say that if your last name is Frost and you think of naming your baby boy Jack cause you think its the coolest thing in life, then I pray to Batman your son puts you in a second rate nursing home when you’re older…anyway) is a struggling blues musician trying to make ends meet to provide for his family. That means that sometimes he has to miss hockey games in order to play a gig, don’t be an ungrateful little bastard Charlie at least he’s trying. Jack plans to take the family up to the cabin for Christmas but gets an opportunity that could make his career and amidst hurt feelings he decides to do what could be beneficial for his family. On the way he feels guilty, borrows a friends car and heads back home for a Christmas surprise. Theres a snowstorm, faulty windshield wiper and he wrecks the car and dies. A year later he returns as a snowman reconnects with his son and we’re left feeling warm, fuzzy and even laughing at times

Its a good watch considering for 83.7% of the film Michael Keaton is a snowman. It hits all the highs and lows that the family/comedy/drama/fantasy/Christmas film should and you can bet they hit every snow pun and joke along the way. Thats why Jack Frost gets a ranking of: A Snowdad Is Better Than No Dad. Till next time friends, stay entertained.

-D

@ShitAboutFuck
@dhbates87
@onetripdown