Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

17 Days: Part 1

Posted: June 5, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Day 3

The day before yesterday I came home from work and there was a spoon on the counter. The counter was clean when I left for work. The questions started immediately. How did it get there? Had someone been in my house? Did they take anything? We’re they still there?

Immediately I began a full search of my house which returned nothing other than the spoon. I didn’t sleep that night, I was too nervous. I sat on bed clutching my baseball bat with the lights off all night. I called in to work yesterday and gave some generic excuse, “I’m not feeling well” I said to my boss, “I may be out for a couple of days”.

I didn’t sleep again last night. I feel like hell, but I’m too paranoid to sleep. So many questions, what if they come back? What if there is more than one? I just can’t risk it. I suppose I’ll just sit and wait. I think i had some texts to check…Fuck, my phone is dead. I really need to sleep soon, things are getting weird…

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Thanks cinephiles

Posted: May 5, 2014 in Uncategorized

This month will be our one year anniversary here at YDKSAF and we would like to say thanks to you wonderful people for sticking with us. So this month we will be giving away some movies to you wonderful people, digital copies, a couple of dvds and maybe some blu-rays, if we can find it in our meager budget.

To kick things off we’ll be giving away a digital copy of Man of Steel, one of our favorites from last year. How do you win, simple, all you have to do is comment on this post, like our Facebook page or tag us on Twitter with the hashtag #ManOfSteel. Any one of those or all three. We will choose one of you at random. Thanks again for your continued support and till next time friends, stay entertained.

-YDKSAF

@ShitAboutFuck
@dhbates87
@onetripdown

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In 2006 Kevin Smith answered the prayers of fans when he gave us his first official sequel with Clerks 2. Finally after catching a glimpse of Dante and Randall in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, we get to see what they’ve been up to all these years. Did Dante pick Caitlin or Veronica? How did Randal handle the transition from VHS to DVD? Did Jay fuck anything that moved? Speaking of Jay, did he and Silent Bob burn through their entire motherfucking movie check buying plane tickets? We’ll answer a few of those questions here today but for the rest you’ll have to watch the for yourselves…bunch of savages…

Dante shows up for work only to discover the Quick Stop going up in flames due to some terrorist activity or Randal leaving the coffee pot on again, either way they’re out of a job. Flash forward year and we find the guys working at Moobys, the golden calf of fast food chains. Once again Dante has found the love of a good woman and is preparing for a move to Florida with his fiancĂ©. Randal is still there as his ever present hetero life mate laying waste to LOTR geeks and fighting for his right to say whatever he wants. Jay and Bob are still slinging weed outside, only now they’re clean and sober and new addition Elias enlightens us on the subject of pussy trolls. Then theres the best manager in the world, Becky who is always eager to debate “ass to mouth” etiquette. Amidst a love triangle, dance number and exhibitions of inter-species erotica, we have another great story that ends where it began.

Eleven years after the original and the characters are still entertaining to watch. Jeff Anderson as Randal has always been a favorite of mine and keeps me hopeful that in the third installment, maybe he’ll find love. For now this is the last of the View Askew/Jersey films featuring our favorite trench coat wearing weed peddlers but knowing that Smith has written the script for Clerks 3 keeps us hopeful. If you’ve loved his movies like we have then you’ll enjoy this one as well. Till next time friends, stay entertained

-D

@ShitAboutFuck
@dhbates87
@onetripdown

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Disclaimer: 1) a renunciation of any claim to or connection with; 2) disavowal; 3) a statement made to save one’s own ass. We here at YDKSAF would like to state that this discussion of the film Dogma is – from start to finish – a work of comedic opinion, not to be taken seriously. To insist that any of what is written here is incendiary or inflammatory is to miss our intention. So please – before you start getting all pissy remember: if there is one floating out in space, even God has a sense of humor. Just look at the Platypus. Thank you and enjoy reading.

Kevin Smith learned the hard way in 1999 that people take their religion seriously. Smith brought us his most controversial film amidst death threats, hate mail and protests. Oddly enough this film came along at a time in my life when I was having my own issues with religion. I had been raised in one faith but was beginning to have questions about it and other religions. As we all know when you start asking questions and poking around people are super understanding…no wait, they’re usually the opposite and the answer you get is “because god said so, stop asking questions and don’t look behind the curtain.” Lets get into the thick of it and cast the first stone.

Bartleby and Loki are just a couple of banished angels looking for a good time and a way back into Heaven. They receive a newspaper clipping that sparks a road trip/killing spree across the country to New Jersey. Seems theres a loophole that would allow them to return to the kingdom and the glory and also bring about the end of existence. Thats where Bethany comes in, with the help of Jay and Silent Bob she heads out to stop them. Along the way they meet up with Rufus, the thirteenth apostle and Serendipity the muse who are eager to help. Theres laughs, some tears and Alan Rickman…what more could you want

Dogma is my second favorite Smith film. Its an entertaining look at one directors spiritual journey and at how easily humans can fuck up religion if given the chance. We’re always quick to laugh at others beliefs that differ from our own but the moment someone jokes about our beliefs we’re ready to strike them down. Did this movie help me decide which path was right for me, no but it made me laugh and showed me I wasn’t the only one that had questions. Don’t worry friends, after a few years I found what suited me best and I’m happy to tell you that I am…damn looks like I’m out of time. Oh well, till next time friends, stay entertained.

-D

@ShitAboutFuck
@dhbates87
@onetripdown

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If Clerks is Kevin Smiths baby then Mallrats is his adolescent child that loves comic books, video games and dick jokes. His first venture into the world of a Hollywood budgeted movie snagged some bigger names for his cast and helped to make names for others. Packing a six million dollar budget, performances from Stan Lee, Michael Rooker and one of the London Twins, Mallrats fell short at the box office but has developed a cult following over the years and while the money may have come from Hollywood the story and dialogue are pure Smith. Lets jump in…

Our story begins as T.S. Is packing for a trip with his girlfriend Brandi (the scotch drinking chick from the commercial) who arrives and only to break his heart. She has to break up with him cause daddy is pissed at T.S. Across town Brodie is also punched in the groin of his heart as his girlfriend Rene hands him a break up letter and crawls out the basement window of his life. T.S. arrives at Brodies, they swap stories and decide the best place to deal with the pain of lost love is the mall. Its here that we run into our old friends Jay and Silent Bob, as well as the over zealous mall cop La Fours, under age author Tricia and The Man himself Stan Lee. Our heroes prove they’ll do anything for the women they love, whether its visiting a topless fortune teller or trashing a game show and it all goes down the day before Clerks.

Mallrats has taught us many things over the years. If you love someone let nothing come between you and that person, unless that person is married and has no idea who you are and you stand outside their house in the rain cutting yourself and talking to a button-eyed doll…then maybe get a new hobby and some therapy. It also taught us escalator etiquette, I have not been in or been witness to any escalator fatalities since I watched it years ago. The most important thing it did was let me know I wasn’t the only person that could never get those piece of shit magic eye 3D image pictures to work. Till next time friends, stay entertained.

-D

@ShitAboutFuck
@dhbates87
@onetripdown

Clerks

Posted: January 11, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

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Heath was going to write this but he’s been feeling under the weather, so I’m gonna fill in for him till twelve, then I got hockey at two and then I was gonna…I’m not even supposed to be here today. I mean As long as he shows by twelve then I still have two hours to make it to the park for hockey. (Sigh) I’m not even supposed to be here…

Dante is in for a hell of a day. Working on his off day, locks on the shutters have gum in them, he reeks of shoe polish and thats all before the first customer comes in to incite a riot resulting in Dante being pelted with cigarettes. Luckily his girlfriend, Veronica, arrives to save the day and all is right with Dante’s world, that is until he discovers Veronica has sucked 36 dicks…sorry 37 dicks including his. If by some chance you’ve never given this film a watch, I don’t want to give too many of the laughs away. If you enjoy raunchy humor then I encourage you to dig in.

Twenty years ago a man sold his comic collection, maxed his credit cards, begged, borrowed and did everything short of robbing banks to finance his dream. A dream of earning a living wage doing something he loved, making the kind of movies he would enjoy watching. Based loosely on The Divine Comedy and his own life, Clerks was my introduction to the world of Indie Films. It showed me a world outside the Hollywood blockbusters, one that could entertain me just as much if not more. The first time I watched Clerks, I was a clerk and could relate to dealing with asshole customers and maybe thats why it holds a special place in my cinematic heart or maybe I just have a twisted sense of humor and enjoy a good story, either way twenty years later its still making me laugh and thats one of the best compliments I can give a film. Till next time friends, stay entertained.

-D

@ShitAboutFuck
@dhbates87
@onetrpdown

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In 1995 two important things happened in my life, three if you count graduating from high school. I was working at one of those independent video stores that used populate small towns across the country and I loved it. It was amazing, I watched movies all day at work, took movies home for free and the best part was the screeners. If your unfamiliar with screeners, they are the copies of movies that are sent to video stores so the owner can decide if they wish to buy and stock it on their shelves and they came about a month before the movie was released publicly which meant I got to see the new releases early…I still get chills thinking about it.

The reason I mention this is that the two important things came in the form of screeners. One was Pulp Fiction and the other was Clerks. Written and directed by Kevin Smith and responsible for opening my eyes to the world of independent films. its also the reason we’ve gathered you all here for our month long spotlight on Kevin Smith.

For twenty years Kevin Smith has been making a living by keeping me entertained, although thats probably just a side effect of his true intentions of doing something he’s passionate about and feeding his family. But it still remains true, for the past twenty years I have been entertained by this gentleman. I’ve enjoyed his entire body of work, yes even Jersey Girl, which I think is one of his better ventures outside of the View Askewniverse.

The main reason I’ve enjoyed his work for so many years is simple, Kevin Smith is an amazing storyteller. He gives you characters you can relate to and care about, characters you wanna hang out with, maybe grab a beer or get freshly baked. The yarns he spins are like the beautiful girl with a heart of gold and a filthy fucking mouth thats goodly enough to let you do weird things to her and even shares your twisted sense of humor.

It’s not just his movies that demonstrate his storytelling prowess. If you’ve ever caught one of his Q&A’s then you know how he can captivate an audience for hours. Answering a simple question could take all night but you don’t care because he has dragged you into his world, a world where the fantastic melds with the mundane and when its all said and done you’re left wanting more. He gives you a peak behind the curtain, a glimpse at how the magic is made and you get the feeling that making a movie with Kevin Smith is more fun than work.

So join us friends as we discuss the films of one of our favorite directors, Kevin Smith as he celebrates twenty years of making pretend for our enjoyment and the twentieth anniversary of Clerks as he takes it back where it all began, with a midnight showing at the Sundance Film Festival. Congratulations Mr. Smith and till next time friends, Snoogins.

-YDKSAF