Russian to ban foul language or WHAT THE FUCK PUTIN

Posted: May 8, 2014 in Movies, Op-ed
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

By now most of you will have heard about the latest batshit crazy kick Russian President Vladimir Putin is on, banning all fucking foul language from fucking films, fucking music, the god damned theatre, fucking books, cultural gathering or exhibits and pretty much just fucking eliminate all the swear words people enjoy using. What the fuck?

Before we proceed I feel I must warn you dear friends that this will most certainly contain tons of swear, curses, foul language and dirty words. I personally am of the mind that words are just words and there are no “dirty” words. Thats not to say I walk around in public constantly spewing forth George Carlins list of seven (which are: cocksucker, motherfucker, fuck, shit, cunt, cock and pussy) in casual conversation. Lets take a second to reexamine that list, back in Carlins day you couldn’t utter any of those on television but I can recall recently hearing at least three of those on a basic cable station. So I’m sure other words have taken their place. After all, These times they are a changing fuckers.

Imagine just how fucking boring life is going to be in Russia. I’m not sure it was all that exciting anyway and now shit will become even more mundane. It may not be much of a stretch if you’re one of those conservative, religious fuckers that only uses swear words in the privacy of your own bedroom closet while you jerk it to animal porn but I would lose my shit if I had to stop cursing. My fucking head wants to explode just from thinking about those poor people. Only G rated movies. Having to buy all your music through Wal-Mart so it comes censored. All my favorite books have swears in them, so those would have to go. For fucks sake, what are people going to do for fun?

Speaking of fun, what the fuck are people supposed to scream during sex? You’re having a really good night, things get wild and instead of screaming “intercourse my intercoursing brains out” she screams the old stand by and in come the coppers to fine or possibly arrest you both. Batshit right?

I can not imagine living in a country without the freedom to say whatever the fuck I wanted. I fear a lot of Americans don’t truly appreciate our freedom of speech but just how free is our speech. We hear daily about our right to speak our mind but flip that coin and you’ll hear the stories of people getting in trouble for speaking their mind. So just how fucking far off are we from being in the same boat as our Russian counterparts. Our films are already subjected to a counsel of cocksuckers, looking at you MPAA, who get to determine whether or not our sheep like brains can handle the violence, nudity and if the movie would be just as good with thirty-six fucks instead of forty-one.

By this point you’ve either given up or have giggled a couple times. For those of you that may have gotten offended by my liberal use of expletives, fuck off. Offending you was not my intention but merely a happy side result. For the rest of you still hanging in there with me, wondering if theres a point buried amongst the swears and curses, not really. It was late, I was listening to nineties music and felt like writing. Hopefully you’ve enjoyed reading. Till next time friends, stay entertained.




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