If Clerks is Kevin Smiths baby then Mallrats is his adolescent child that loves comic books, video games and dick jokes. His first venture into the world of a Hollywood budgeted movie snagged some bigger names for his cast and helped to make names for others. Packing a six million dollar budget, performances from Stan Lee, Michael Rooker and one of the London Twins, Mallrats fell short at the box office but has developed a cult following over the years and while the money may have come from Hollywood the story and dialogue are pure Smith. Lets jump in…

Our story begins as T.S. Is packing for a trip with his girlfriend Brandi (the scotch drinking chick from the commercial) who arrives and only to break his heart. She has to break up with him cause daddy is pissed at T.S. Across town Brodie is also punched in the groin of his heart as his girlfriend Rene hands him a break up letter and crawls out the basement window of his life. T.S. arrives at Brodies, they swap stories and decide the best place to deal with the pain of lost love is the mall. Its here that we run into our old friends Jay and Silent Bob, as well as the over zealous mall cop La Fours, under age author Tricia and The Man himself Stan Lee. Our heroes prove they’ll do anything for the women they love, whether its visiting a topless fortune teller or trashing a game show and it all goes down the day before Clerks.

Mallrats has taught us many things over the years. If you love someone let nothing come between you and that person, unless that person is married and has no idea who you are and you stand outside their house in the rain cutting yourself and talking to a button-eyed doll…then maybe get a new hobby and some therapy. It also taught us escalator etiquette, I have not been in or been witness to any escalator fatalities since I watched it years ago. The most important thing it did was let me know I wasn’t the only person that could never get those piece of shit magic eye 3D image pictures to work. Till next time friends, stay entertained.




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