25 Films of Christmas: Batman Returns

Posted: December 2, 2013 in Movies, Op-ed, Reviews
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

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I know that we here at YDKSAF have already professed our fanboy love for The Batman, so it should come as no surprise that Batman Returns is on our list of Christmas movies. After all it combines our favorite super hero and that wonderful time of year when weather is frightful, fires are delightful and even the word snow will cause the people around my neck of the woods to storm the grocery stores for milk and bread. And if you think about it, are Santa and Batman really that different. Both do the majority of their traveling in the night, both have a hidden base of operations and both are just trying to bring a little more happiness to the world. Hell for all I know Santa Claus may be Batman during the rest of the year. If for some reason you’ve never given a watch to the last really good Batman film before Nolan took over the franchise, heres whats up…

Its Christmas time in Gotham City and the streets are crawling with bad guys. The Red Triangle Gang, led by The Penguin snatches up wealthy businessman Max Shreck and threatens to blackmail him for all his dirty deeds. Max proposes a deal to The Penguin, they hammer out the details and join forces in the quest to make this flightless bird into the next mayor of Gotham city. Meanwhile Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle bump into one another during a business meeting Wayne has with Shreck and you get the feeling these two will be “Dancing with the devil by the pale moonlight” sooner or later…if you know what I mean…sex…in case you didn’t. Miss Kyle has an “accident” and becomes Catwoman. Bad guys plot to get rid of The Bat, Gotham is over run by circus themed criminals, The Bat and The Cat discover each others secret and in case you don’t know how these things end…Batman uses his wonderful toys and saves the day.

I enjoyed the Burton/Keaton Batfilms, they were dark like the comics and had just a bit of twisted humor. They held the top spot for years until the Nolan/Bale films came along and gave us what many refer to as “a Batman for the real world.” It was dark, fantastical and gave us images of Michelle Pfeiffer in skin tight vinyl, featured some amazing make-up effects from Ve Neill and once again brought my childhood hero to life, sans nipples as it should be. For those reasons and more Batman Returns gets a holiday ranking of: 5 Golden Rings. Till next time friends, stay entertained.

-D

@ShitAboutFuck
@dhbates87
@onetripdown

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Comments
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